At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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