So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
