you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
