normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
