You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
