I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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