I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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