so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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