I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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