Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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