my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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