I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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