nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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