I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Still dying that you shit outside
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
