Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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