So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
