I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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