She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
