I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
