all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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