Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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