i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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