Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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