I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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