Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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