Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
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We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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