why didn't you poke me back
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
