from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
