Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
