Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i now understand why vodka
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
