He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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