I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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