The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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