My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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