I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
