I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
