Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
