just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
