nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize