if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
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