office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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