Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
