I'm so fucking centered right now
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
