i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
