OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
