Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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