New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
