nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
