We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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