You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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