Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
