and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
