Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
