Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
