Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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