We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
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soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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