We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
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yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
so much tequila, so little girl.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success