Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.

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(570): Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome. http://tfl.nu/qugg

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show

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(202): Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show http://tfl.nu/lemk

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(209): View more from California

I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life

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(209): I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life http://tfl.nu/mnvk

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(415): View more from California

I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there

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(415): I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there http://tfl.nu/3k7t

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.

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(+64): If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it. http://tfl.nu/njzt

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(303): View more from Colorado

Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.

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(303): Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever. http://tfl.nu/ckan

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot

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(860): I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot http://tfl.nu/l7sq

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.

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(501): Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread. http://tfl.nu/0vqb

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'

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(+44): I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.' http://tfl.nu/vhcz

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(516): View more from New York

Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar

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(516): Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar http://tfl.nu/xg4s

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(206): View more from Washington

AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!

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(206): AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN! http://tfl.nu/o93p

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(618): View more from Illinois

An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.

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(618): An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name. http://tfl.nu/g5lt

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace

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(780): No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace http://tfl.nu/va4a

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(540): View more from Virginia

So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...

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(540): So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day... http://tfl.nu/14rg

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(302): View more from Delaware

Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio

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(302): Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio http://tfl.nu/5lxt

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