sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?