If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.