Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.