dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
