just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
