i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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