dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
