would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
