I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry about my life...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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