the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
