My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
