yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
