I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
