Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
