I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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