They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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